Here’s How To Tell If A ‘Friendship Reshuffle’ Could Improve Your Social Life

We’ve discussed the downward trend in the number of friends the average person has. And while there are some concerns to consider regarding this cultural shift, it’s possible for an almost opposite problem to cause some trouble.

It’s not that some people have too many friends, per se; it’s more that they feel stuck with friends who are no longer enriching their lives.

What can you do?

Perhaps you’re thinking of a person right now who has been in your social group for a while but has been sort of grating on your nerves for a while.

If that individual is truly toxic, it might be best to cut him or her out of your life completely. But if there’s just some relatively mild annoyance involved, there are some less severe ways to handle the issue that will result in fewer hurt feelings and leave open the possibility of rekindling the friendship down the line.

The strategy has become known as the “friendship shuffle” and involves a few relatively simple steps, says clinical psychologist Miriam Kirmayer, who stressed the “difference between a full withdrawal and a downgrading of the connection.

In the latter scenario, you won’t sever ties with your friend but would reduce your exposure to that individual. Here’s what she suggests:

• Start with honesty: Be realistic about whether there are unresolvable issues at hand or if there’s a reason to maintain some sort of connection.
• Balance the scales: In many cases, friendships are one-sided. If you’re giving more than you receive, consider scaling back your investment.
• Adjust your schedule: Whether you desire more time for new friends, family, work, or yourself, remember that it’s OK to prioritize your own needs.

In the long run, Kirmayer says taking these steps might end up bringing you closer to your friend.

Chris Agee March 29th, 2024

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